She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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