She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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