i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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