my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
