I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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