they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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