Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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