i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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