Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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