I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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