FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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