Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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