I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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