It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
