Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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