I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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