You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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