Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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