Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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