He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
