So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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