the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
