just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
