I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
