no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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