Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
