I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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