the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
