He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
