3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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