I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
