Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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