I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
