What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
