she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
