I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dear god my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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