i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Still dying that you shit outside
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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