Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
