the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
