Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
