I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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