And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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