Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
