I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
