We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
