Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
