Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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