I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
