You're a womanizer and a bitch.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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