now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
