the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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