before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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