before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
