I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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