your parents love me but you hate me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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