Only a mothe r could love this liver
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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