sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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