hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You can't special order awesome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob