I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
