Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."

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  (917): He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this." http://tfl.nu/rnir
  Replies (45) Good night (1126) Bad night (6660)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window

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  (937): just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window http://tfl.nu/npzo
  Replies (8) Good night (3332) Bad night (731)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?

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  (412): Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween? http://tfl.nu/zwxr
  Replies (27) Good night (1248) Bad night (5215)
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  (714): View more from California

  after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles

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  (714): after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles http://tfl.nu/o8dc
  Replies (13) Good night (5806) Bad night (969)
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  (408): View more from California

  He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

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  (408): He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize. http://tfl.nu/u4mt
  Replies (29) Good night (943) Bad night (6675)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.

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  (281): okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ycuw
  Replies (26) Good night (1754) Bad night (4631)
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  (845): View more from New York

  This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.

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  (845): This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink. http://tfl.nu/qaqf
  Replies (5) Good night (2524) Bad night (893)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Thank god I got my shit together

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  (203): Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment (410): Thank god I got my shit together http://tfl.nu/mezm
  Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (601)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death

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  (919): All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death http://tfl.nu/2w0w
  Replies (4) Good night (421) Bad night (515)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.

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  (812): Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes. http://tfl.nu/kd9i
  Replies (6) Good night (810) Bad night (388)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.

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  (608): She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws. http://tfl.nu/2p61
  Replies (0) Good night (813) Bad night (447)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.

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  (801): You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that. http://tfl.nu/if9w
  Replies (1) Good night (863) Bad night (503)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.

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  (708): Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid (1-708): I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for. http://tfl.nu/mlt7
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (337)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.

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  (781): Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student. http://tfl.nu/i7ug
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (352)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.

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  (+44): I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation. http://tfl.nu/zezn
  Replies (0) Good night (232) Bad night (391)

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