Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket

(212): View more from New York

Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......

(212): View more from New York

Really

(941): View more from Florida

You win

Fav 4 2952 1022
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(301): View more from Maryland

Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?

Fav 6 1060 1343
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(616): View more from Michigan

His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"

(616): View more from Michigan

He did it well too

Fav 57 9188 1065
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them

Fav 14 1119 3952
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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(913): View more from Kansas

Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.

Fav 16 3706 1289
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(941): View more from Florida

He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

Fav 35 1074 4837
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(864): View more from South Carolina

We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

Fav 20 1286 6398
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(770): View more from Georgia

You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.

(770): View more from Georgia

I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.

Fav 0 1456 697
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(425): View more from Washington

you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass

Fav 3 143 20
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