Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife

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(661): What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife http://tfl.nu/wigu

Replies (16) Good night (1875) Bad night (574)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".

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(706): Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe". http://tfl.nu/cnav

Replies (7) Good night (2512) Bad night (757)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

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(617): just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet http://tfl.nu/fxai

Replies (82) Good night (1397) Bad night (18940)
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(740): View more from Ohio

They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar

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(740): They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar http://tfl.nu/y62m

Replies (10) Good night (4803) Bad night (679)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

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(765): I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot. http://tfl.nu/xw8q

Replies (11) Good night (2986) Bad night (921)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..

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(479): Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know.. http://tfl.nu/03rh

Replies (8) Good night (3942) Bad night (923)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.

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(203): You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long. http://tfl.nu/0h4i

Replies (4) Good night (3212) Bad night (863)
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(714): View more from California

He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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(714): He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xpcu

Replies (8) Good night (2529) Bad night (913)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.

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(336): You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome. http://tfl.nu/fpao

Replies (4) Good night (1752) Bad night (779)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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(270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn

Replies (9) Good night (2387) Bad night (501)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.

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(218): my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor. http://tfl.nu/6k19

Replies (2) Good night (919) Bad night (336)
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(214): View more from Texas

Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.

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(214): Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds. http://tfl.nu/9ird

Replies (6) Good night (920) Bad night (357)
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(315): View more from New York

dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play

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(315): dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play http://tfl.nu/32t6

Replies (6) Good night (1661) Bad night (392)
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(925): View more from California

But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....

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(925): But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age..... http://tfl.nu/e96s

Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (533)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.

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(251): Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them. http://tfl.nu/7qa6

Replies (0) Good night (169) Bad night (413)

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