Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot

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  (407): Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot http://tfl.nu/9dyf
  Replies (15) Good night (732) Bad night (2474)
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  (845): View more from New York

  My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet

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  (845): My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet http://tfl.nu/jo6v
  Replies (29) Good night (959) Bad night (3735)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (5308) Bad night (1160)
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  (925): View more from California

  never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.

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  (925): never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont. http://tfl.nu/mow4
  Replies (52) Good night (586) Bad night (4064)
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  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
  Replies (29) Good night (5008) Bad night (1433)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...

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  (781): I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing... http://tfl.nu/jqiv
  Replies (6) Good night (2482) Bad night (1089)
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  (949): View more from California

  My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit

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  (949): My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit http://tfl.nu/1azl
  Replies (11) Good night (4002) Bad night (782)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums

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  (740): I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums http://tfl.nu/g3fl
  Replies (4) Good night (1680) Bad night (661)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now

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  (541): It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now http://tfl.nu/avxl
  Replies (7) Good night (845) Bad night (874)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.

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  (518): Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird. http://tfl.nu/4vio
  Replies (1) Good night (1210) Bad night (356)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.

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  (520): I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now. http://tfl.nu/zshk
  Replies (8) Good night (790) Bad night (352)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this

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  (703): So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this http://tfl.nu/pt0i
  Replies (6) Good night (1053) Bad night (442)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.

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  (337): Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work. http://tfl.nu/3b5u
  Replies (8) Good night (1536) Bad night (436)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa

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  (808): Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa http://tfl.nu/xvlh
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (237)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on

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  (225): I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on http://tfl.nu/vdcw
  Replies (2) Good night (183) Bad night (434)

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