just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.