I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
