K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
