Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
