Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
